Have you ever been in a fight with your husband and before you know it you have stuck not only your foot, but your whole dang leg in your mouth?! I have, many more times than I usually care to admit!! I just get so mad at him sometimes that I speak before I think & before I know it, even if I still feel I was right in what the original argument was about, I find myself feeling extremely guilty for the hatefulness I’ve just lashed out of my mouth towards the man that I love!! I call this in the heat of words!!!! I often find myself saying things that I don’t even really mean, but I’m just soooo mad at this man right now, who won’t listen to me for more than even 5 seconds!! Please tell me that I’m not the only hateful “witch” out here when I get mad at my hubby!!
It took me years to realize that I even do this. Actually I guess you could say I learned it, from none other than my own daughter! She too, is very much like me and her words of fury also fly when she gets mad. One day I told her, “You are not going to disrespect me and talk to me like that!” Her response was a revolution to both my parenting as well as my marriage!!!! She said to me, “Mom! I’m sorry but I’m just too mad to talk to you right now! Please just leave me alone and let me calm down and then I promise we will talk about it!” I was furious with he, but I agreed. Within 30 minutes or less she came out from her room and apologized and we sat down and discussed the issue calmly! It was soooo much better that way!!! I’ve since learned to do the same with my hubby!!
The problem is, when we are in the heat of words, once we’ve opened our mouth and the words fly out, they’re out! There’s no retracting them and pulling them back in no matter how badly we want to sometimes! But, words can be soooo hurtful! They can leave scars just like physical scars can. These scars are left on the heart of the ones we’ve just unleashed our hurtful words on!
I still struggle with the heat of words and if you do to, let me share a couple of things that I have found that help me!
- It’s ok to go to bed angry sometimes!!! This was huge for me because I had always heard, don’t get to bed angry! Well sometimes that’s just not feasible! We would end up fighting almost all night long until he ended up fallying asleep & then I was even more mad!!! So sleep it off! It can be a cooling off period so that you can discuss it more calmly tomorrow!
- Timing is EVERYTHING!!! Don’t hit him with issues as soon as he’s walked through the door from a long day at work. Let him relax and settle in to home mode before you hit him with it!
- When you feel your blood pressure rising, its time for a Time Out to cool off! Go outside, take a walk, take a ride to the store for a little bit or even just go to a different room. Just get away from one another for a little while to calm down a bit before returning to the conversation, because you do want it to be a conversation, not a knock down drag out fight!
- If he’s already stressing don’t bombard him with more stress. If it’s something that can wait, make it wait!
- Last thing, don’t bring up stuff that you know is going to start an argument when he’s in a really good mood! We like it when they’re in a good mood and that will definitely spoil it!!
So, if you’re anything at all like me in this area, think about these things when you’re NOT mad so that hopefully you will remember them when you are! I will be the first to tell you that this is no easy task, especially if you have always been this way! (raising my hand…lol) But it is possible and will make a huge difference in your marriage! You will have him wondering what the heck did you do with his wife, in a good way!!!!
Please leave me a comment if you are like this and let me know how you keep your words in check! Trust me, I can still use all the help I can get to!!! Until next time my friends, Go be the “spiced up wife” in your hubby’s life!